I stood before the treadmill not wanting to do my cardio. I mean I had been working out for six weeks and doing Paleo for six weeks, and all I felt was exhaustion and frustration. I mean shouldn’t I be skinny by now? “Don’t be stupid Hillary” You top the scales at 287 pounds it is impossible to be all skinny like the models of the fitness magazines you have been pouring through for #fitinspo.
Sound dumb right? And yet, I hear people say they are giving up blogging or writing after only a year. I am like but it TAKES a least a year to gain traction, and it is damn hard work. It isn’t as sexy as it looks when the pros do it. You see those people at the gym that look like they have labor pains? Well, guess what? ALL growth is painful. Even business growth. I have been doing this for the better part of a decade, and I am STILL growing. And it is STILL painful at times.
I wasn’t making much progress. I always had the feeling I could do more, but once the burning in my muscles started, I still stopped. It was like a force of habit. Burning equaled pain and no one likes pain. So after six weeks I took a long hard look at myself and decided I needed help. I got up my courage and signed up to work with a trainer. I had expected to be pushed but not past my limits but yet that precisely what this trainer does.
Every time I find myself gasping “ I can’t do any more” He says but you can” Gimmie one more rep. “Bastard’ I mumble while telling my brain to get out of survival mode. And you know what? I can always do it.
Most of us are not living in full capacity, and that is really sad. We are capable of soooo much yet we give 10 percent and claim we give 1000 percent. Be honest…you dont..because if you did you wouldn’t be where you are right now. This applies to me also. I thought that I was giving everything that I had in the gym, but actually, I wasn’t. I was holding back. With a trainer though as I sit here with a sore ass body, I can honestly say that every day for the past three weeks I have given EVERYTHING I had in me. And every day that includes more and more. I am growing. It is so not sexy. I, too, find myself making labor pain faces but that what growing is.
I find myself growing in more ways than one. I have read all of Brene Brown’s books, and I thought they were excellent but was unable to input them into my own life because and I am honest here I was trapped in a fat shell, and I didn’t want to come out. One day though I got tired of living on the sidelines, so I did the one thing that terrified me the most. I joined a gym.
That one decision has had thousands of tiny positive ripples in my life. I am still fat, but you know what As long as I show up to do the work and push myself I know I will get to my goal weight.
I also know I will blossom into the Hillary that I was meant to be.